FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S REVIEW

I know, I know, we're late for our last Halloween flick review. Halloween and a haunted house will do that to you... But as they say, better late than never, so here we are.

The last and most disappointing entry in our Halloween movie fest is "Five Nights at Freddy's."

That's not to say it's a bad film, but it pales in comparison to our other entries this year.

Basically, a troubled security guard played by former tribute Josh Hutcherson begins working at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, a dilapidated Chuck E. Cheese clone restaurant that used to host extremely capable animatronics with technology seemingly decades ahead of their time yet somehow had nearly inadequate security equipment. While spending his first night on the job, he realizes that his late shift at Freddy's won't be easy to make it through, dodgy equipment and creepy vibes notwithstanding.

If you missed that first clue, don't worry: they'll make it so obvious that you'll think you never missed it in the first place.

For even more questionable reasons, this building and its contents need to be protected at all costs from squatters and thieves, despite being closed for years due to a scandal about the disappearance of several children on the premises who were never found. It's so damn important that a lone cop, played competently by Elizabeth Lail, actually takes time out of her schedule to drop by several nights in a row to make sure that the new hire takes his job seriously and isn't sleeping on the job...

Which, let's be honest, Josh as Mike Schmidt does a lot. He's so good at it that he can lucid dream every night like a pro. It turns out that his youngest brother disappeared, kidnapped by a mysterious man, years ago, and he feels guilty for it and tries to lucid dream the event to jog his memory for a potential clue...

Granted, Josh is just a security guard, not even a rent-a-cop, but we could have saved some time when he first met Matthew Lillard (from the Scooby-Doo movies), who is acting so weird from the get-go, you just know he is intricately involved in this madness... Just like the way intrusive and concerned police officer... In fact, every single person you meet in this film, except perhaps the lawyer, is an intricate part of the plot, which is so thin it is thinner than a postal stamp. It must look like the Burj Khalifa (tallest building in the world), which must look like Everest to a paramecium, and to the writer who created this.

It's easy to get: the story is based on a video game, which relies more on atmosphere and visual trickery than plot devices, making it very tricky to adapt indeed. Yet, on that front, with a heap of Easter eggs for fans of the game, the script delivers the goods. Which makes it more shameful that the so-called mystery is so easy to figure out.

Another film that took inspiration directly from "Five Nights" is "Willy's Wonderland," featuring Nicolas Cage at the top of his game. He finds himself stranded in a remote town when his car breaks down. Unable to pay for the repairs he needs, he agrees to spend the night cleaning Willy's Wonderland, an abandoned family fun center. Showing a work ethic unseen since the birth of the first Gen Z, where Mr. Cage's character, which remains unnamed for the entirety of the movie, does nothing but grunt between sips of Red Bull. He has to clean up the old place haunted by the souls of pedophiles who hid in the bodies of creepy animatronics after the town took the law into its own hands and gave them what justice would not...

That movie shares its silly premise with FNAF but without most of the humor. When a movie where a highly-paid star says nothing (he dethroned Kurt Russell in "Soldier," who eventually said a couple of words!) while kicking the living tar out of silly homicidal robots basically shames yours in comparison, something is wrong.

And that's where FNAF doesn't work. It doesn't want to go too dark or too scary, it wants to talk about uncomfortable subjects but not go all the way, it wants to be goofy and weird, but not too much either. It doesn't really commit nor does it fully assume its inherent silliness. As a result, it gets bogged down in its relationships, it becomes silly for the wrong reasons, it doesn't fulfill its potential. Fans of the game will love every minute of it. The others will wonder what the fuss is about. And there will be people like us, wondering why they didn't jump in the well as they already got wet from those who jumped before them...

It could have been a masterpiece in its subgenre, the cast was overall competent and made you care, the script just missed the most important marks but did a good job reminiscing moments for the videogame fans. Instead of a nine, it barely ranks as a seven. So much potential, a little disappointing.

Five Nights at Freddy movie poster.  So close, but yet, so far from a fantastic movie...